I’m a true believer in equality in a marriage. I believe that no marriage can work without it. That’s not to say that things are exactly divided equally in terms of chores and responsibilities. However, there should be a sense of equality felt by both people and a mutual respect and agreement on division of responsibilities or people keep score and feel taken advantage of and disrespected. Most importantly, I believe that we teach people how we want to be treated by how we allow them to treat us.
In our house, I am the “main cook and bottle washer.” Not because my husband won’t cook, but because I love to cook and clean (yes clean!) It is my hobby (cooking) and I find it relaxing and rewarding. In fact, I’m a little obsessive about my home, cooking, organizing and other domestic duties. And, my husband has rarely seen the inside of a grocery store, couldn’t tell you where to find many items in the kitchen and watching him prepare a meal can be torturous at times.
However, in all honesty my husbands lack of domestic qualities is more my fault than his. I like my kitchen, love anything domestic and don’t really want him in the way. This arrangement works for us and is mutually agreed upon. If it wasn’t, then it would not work.
I don’t know how many times I come in contact with women that are expected to do everything, aren’t respected by their husbands and hence feel devalued. Let’s face it ladies, it’s your own fault! You can’t feel devalued unless you let others make you feel that way. And honestly, if you’ve been in a relationship where you allowed it for a long time, it can be hard to “teach a dog new tricks!” However, if you are unhappy it’s time to make some changes.
In our house, we both are wiling to do anything. There are no jobs or chores that are solely one persons responsibility. However, because we both have likes and dislikes, we compromise and have come up with a good division of jobs and responsibilities. While I do most of the cooking, my husband and kids handle dishes and clean up. I clean bathrooms, but hubby handles the scrubbing of shower. I do laundry, he carries it downstairs and strips beds. I dust, organize, shop and prepare, he vacuums, pays bills and does home maintenance and repair. We work as a team and get it done!
Now does that mean that at some point that one of us might not feel valued? Of course not. Feeling valued isn’t about how your jobs are divided but more about how your partner supports and respects you. They see you as their equal, their team mate, their partner in life.